Never Had an Orgasm?
Experiencing orgasm is often considered a pinnacle of sexual pleasure, but what happens when you've never had an orgasm?
Many individuals find themselves in this situation, and it can be a source of frustration, confusion, and even self-doubt.
As a somatic sexologist, I am here to assure you that you are not alone. In this blog, we will delve into the world of pleasure, explore the potential reasons behind the difficulty in achieving orgasm, and offer guidance on how to embrace your unique sexual journey.
Content Index
What is an orgasm?
Understanding the different types of orgasm
The importance of self pleasure
Addressing Physical Factors
Overcoming barriers that stop orgasm
Embracing pleasure in the present moment
Support for people who never had an orgasm
Conclusion
What is an Orgasm?
Before we explore the reasons why you may have not experienced an orgasm, let's start by understanding what orgasm is.
Orgasm is a powerful physical and psychological release of sexual tension that brings intense pleasure and often a sense of euphoria. It involves rhythmic muscular contractions in the genital area, accompanied by pleasurable sensations and a peak of sexual arousal. It can have an explosive sensation or feel like waves of energy or electricity in the body.
Understanding the different types of orgasm
Not all orgasms are contained to the genital area, so it is naive to fixate pleasure on genital orgasms. The body has many erogenous zones that, when awakened, can activate orgasmic sensations in other parts of the body.
The experience of orgasms can vary greatly from person to person, and there is no definitive list of "types" of orgasms that apply to all individuals with vulvas.
However, here are some commonly discussed types of orgasms that people with vulvas may experience:
Clitoral Orgasm: The clitoris is a highly sensitive organ located at the top of the vulva. Stimulation of the clitoris, whether through direct or indirect means, can lead to intense pleasure and orgasm.
Vaginal Orgasm: Some individuals report experiencing orgasm from stimulation inside the vagina, often through penetration or other forms of internal stimulation. The urethral sponge, which is an erogenous zone located on the front wall of the vagina, is commonly associated with vaginal orgasms.
Blended Orgasm: This refers to experiencing orgasm from the simultaneous stimulation of multiple erogenous zones, such as the clitoris and the urethral sponge,. It is often achieved through a combination of external and internal stimulation.
Cervical Orgasm: For some individuals, deep stimulation of the cervix, which is located at the end of the vagina, can lead to intense sensations and orgasmic release.
Nipple Orgasm: Nipple stimulation, either through manual touch, oral stimulation, or the use of sex toys, can elicit pleasure and potentially lead to orgasm for some individuals.
A-spot Orgasm: The A-spot, or anterior fornix erogenous zone, is a sensitive area located deep inside the vagina near the cervix. Some individuals report experiencing intense pleasure and orgasmic sensations from stimulation of this area.
Anal Orgasm: An anal orgasm refers to the experience of sexual pleasure and climax that is achieved through stimulation of the anus and surrounding areas.
Full body Orgasm: An intense orgasm that feels like it is in every single part of your body, causing abs to tighten and fingers to go numb.
And believe it or not there are many more! People have described all kinds of experiences, like heart-gasms, cry-gasms, finger-gasms. Our bodies are magical!
The Importance of Self Pleasure
One of the key aspects of embarking on a journey to experience orgasm is self-exploration. This involves taking the time to explore your own body, desires, and boundaries. Start by engaging in activities that bring you pleasure, whether it's through self-pleasure, using sex toys, or incorporating different types of stimulation. It's essential to create a safe and comfortable space for self-exploration, free from pressure or judgement.
Addressing Physical Factors
There can be various physical factors that contribute to difficulty in achieving orgasm. It could be related to hormonal imbalances, medication side effects, or certain medical conditions. If you suspect that there may be underlying physical factors, it is recommended to consult with a healthcare professional who can provide guidance and support.
Overcoming Barriers That Stop Orgasm
Orgasm is not solely a physical act but is deeply intertwined with mental and emotional factors. Stress, anxiety, past trauma, relationship dynamics, and body image concerns can all impact one's ability to reach orgasm. Working with a somatic sexologist can be immensely beneficial in addressing and resolving these mental and emotional barriers. They can provide a safe space for exploration, guidance, and support in navigating and understanding your unique sexual journey.
Embracing Pleasure in the Present Moment
When it comes to orgasm, it's important to shift the focus from the destination to the journey itself. Instead of fixating solely on achieving orgasm, explore the pleasure that can be found in the present moment. Engage in mindfulness and be fully present with your sensations, allowing yourself to experience pleasure without attachment to a specific outcome. By embracing pleasure and letting go of expectations, you may find that orgasms can unfold naturally and organically.
Support for people who never had an orgasm
Somatic sexologists and sexological bodyworkers specialise in this common occurrence. They are trained in genital touch which means they can support you through hands-on learning and guided experiences that will support you to understand more about how your body works and the specific needs and environment you require to feel safe enough to let go and surrender to the pleasure you are worthy and capable to feel and enjoy.
Conclusion
If you've never had an orgasm, it's essential to approach your sexual journey with patience, self compassion, and an open mind. Understanding that everyone's experience with orgasms is unique, there is no one-size-fits-all approach.
Explore your own body, communicate openly with your partner(s), and consider seeking guidance from a qualified professional such as a somatic sexologist.
Remember that pleasure is a personal and subjective experience, and the journey is just as important as the destination.
Embrace self-discovery, prioritise consent and comfort, and let go of any self-judgement or pressure.
With time, exploration, and a positive mindset, you can cultivate a fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experience that may include experiencing orgasm.
Written by Luna Somatic
Luna is a somatic sexologist and sex coach who helps people who have never had an orgasm to gain a deeper understanding and connection with their body so they can experience their full pleasure potential. If you are looking for support on this matter please reach out for a consultation call here.
