How to give good oral sex: A sex coach's guide to going down.

A sex coach’s guide to going down

Oral sex can often spark insecurities as it is such an intimate practice. You might worry about someone getting so close up and personal to your bits down there, concerned of what your genitals look, smell or taste like.

For many people the only educational example they receive around oral sex is from porn, which can influence performative sex and the notion of ‘doing it right’. Most mainstream porn certainly does not portray reality, so it’s important to find your own way to give and receive this beautiful gift.

This article will give you some expert tips and another perspective to support you and your partners. So let’s dive in…

Content Index

What is oral sex?
Practical Tips
Safer sex
Conclusion

What is oral sex?

Oral sex is a consensual sexual activity that involves the stimulation of a partner's genital or anal area using the mouth, tongue, and lips. It's an intimate expression of desire and affection and can bring pleasure to both partners. For individuals with vulvas, this may involve cunnilingus, while individuals with penises may experience fellatio. No matter what kind of genitals you have, as long as you are over the legal age for consent then oral sex is something you can explore and maybe really enjoy. If you are struggling to give or receive in a way that feels good for you, read on to hear my practical tips.

Practical tips for a good oral

1. Communication is Key

Before you even get started, open and honest communication is essential. Ask your partner what they like, what they don't like, and if they have any specific desires or fantasies. Consent and comfort are paramount in any sexual activity, including oral sex. Always respect your partner's boundaries.

2. Set the Mood

Creating the right atmosphere is crucial. Dim the lights, use scented candles, or play soft, sensual music—whatever makes both you and your partner feel relaxed and in the mood. Feeling comfortable and secure enhances the experience for both parties.

3. Personal Hygiene

Maintaining good personal hygiene is a must. Take a shower, brush your teeth, and trim your nails. Nothing spoils the mood faster than bad breath or an unexpected scratch.

4. Start Slowly

Unless your partner is asking for some rough play then you can begin with soft kisses and caresses. Explore your partner's body, building anticipation. Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination.

5. Focus on Foreplay

Oral sex is not just about the genitals. Use your hands and mouth to kiss, lick, and suck various erogenous zones, such as the neck, breasts, inner thighs, and abdomen. Teasing and tantalising can be incredibly arousing.

6. Take Your Time

Oral sex is not a race. Go slowly and savor the experience. Pay attention to your partner's reactions and adjust your actions accordingly. Some people enjoy a gentle, rhythmic approach, while others prefer more intensity.

7. Use Your Hands

Incorporating your hands can add another dimension to the experience. Gently stimulate your partner's erogenous zones with your fingers while continuing with oral play. This combination can lead to mind-blowing orgasms.

8. Experiment with Techniques

Vary your techniques. Try different patterns and pressures with your tongue. Use flat, broad strokes, or switch to more focused, intense actions. Experimentation can help you discover what your partner enjoys most.

9. Pay Attention to the Clitoris

For many vulva owners, clitoral stimulation is key to achieving orgasm. Be gentle and attentive. Use your tongue, lips, and even your breath to stimulate this sensitive area.

10. Be Mindful of the Penis

When it comes to pleasuring a penis owner, remember that the head and shaft are highly sensitive. Start with light touches and progress to deeper action. Pay attention to their body language to gauge what he enjoys most.

11. Don't Forget the Balls

Testicle stimulation can be incredibly pleasurable for some people. Use your tongue and lips to caress and suck them gently, but always be mindful of the pressure you apply.

12. Stay Consistent

Maintain a consistent rhythm and pressure that suits your partner's preferences. The key is to build and sustain excitement.

13. Be Attentive to Feedback

Communication during oral sex is not just about discussing preferences beforehand. Pay attention to your partner's verbal and non-verbal cues during the act. Their moans, sighs, and body movements can provide valuable guidance.

14. Use Lubrication

If needed, consider using a water-based lubricant. This can enhance the experience for both partners and reduce discomfort.

15. Mix It Up

Spice things up by occasionally taking breaks to kiss or tease other parts of your partner's body. This can intensify the anticipation and pleasure.

16. Focus on Breathing

Don't forget to breathe. Deep, synchronised breathing can help both you and your partner relax and heighten the experience.

17. Embrace Fluids

If your partner ejaculates during oral sex and you're comfortable with it and in consent with sharing fluids then you can consider swallowing or enjoying their fluid on your body. This is your choice and you should never be forced to do something you are not comfortable doing.

18. Aftercare

After oral sex, spend some time cuddling and talking. Check in with your partner to see how they're feeling. Emotional intimacy is just as important as the physical aspects of sex.

19. Practice Safe Sex

If you're engaging in oral sex with a new partner or a partner whose sexual history you're unsure of, using a dental dam or condom can reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. See below for more tips on safer sex.

20. Keep Learning

Sexual preferences and desires can vary greatly between individuals. What works for one person may not work for another. Continuously learn about your partner's likes and dislikes, and be open to trying new things.

Safer Oral Sex

Practising safer oral sex is essential to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and maintain a healthy sexual relationship. Here are some steps to ensure safer oral sex:

Communication: Open and honest communication with your partner is key. Discuss sexual history, STI testing, and your boundaries. Make sure both you and your partner are on the same page and comfortable with the activities you're engaging in.
Dental Dams: For oral sex involving the genitals, especially with a new or non-monogamous partner, consider using a dental dam. A dental dam is a thin, latex or polyurethane square that provides a barrier between the mouth and the genital area.
Condoms: If you or your partner have any concerns about STIs, you can use a condom during oral sex. There are flavored condoms available for oral sex that can make the experience more enjoyable.
Regular STI Testing: Both you and your partner should get tested for STIs regularly, especially if you're not in a mutually monogamous relationship. Knowing your STI status is crucial for informed decision-making.
Maintain Good Oral Hygiene: Keeping good oral hygiene can reduce the risk of spreading or contracting infections. This includes brushing and flossing regularly, and avoiding oral sex if you have open sores or wounds in your mouth.
Avoid Oral Contact During Outbreaks: If you or your partner have oral herpes (cold sores) or genital herpes, it's wise to avoid oral sex during outbreaks. Herpes can be spread to other areas through oral-genital contact.
Get Vaccinated: Some STIs, like human papillomavirus (HPV), can be prevented through vaccination. Talk to your healthcare provider about which vaccines are suitable for you.

Remember that while these measures can significantly reduce the risk of STIs during oral sex, they cannot completely eliminate it. It's important to take responsibility for your sexual health and to stay informed about safe sex practices. If you have concerns about your sexual health, consider consulting a healthcare provider or a sexual health clinic for guidance and testing.

Conclusion

In the realm of intimate relationships, the art of giving great oral sex is a personal journey. It's about more than just technique; it's a powerful expression of trust, connection, and desire. This guide has emphasised the importance of communication, consent, and the creation of a comfortable, respectful, and pleasurable environment for both partners.

In essence, the "how to" of oral sex is not a static recipe but a continuously evolving and highly individualised art form. By embracing the principles outlined in this guide and fostering open and honest communication, you can embark on a journey of exploration and connection that's deeply fulfilling for both you and your partner.

Now all you have to do is go and practice!

How to give good oral sex